


in every breath i take, you’ll always have a piece of me

by ancientdeceiver



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Didn't Know They Were Dating, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Self-Indulgent, burky is bi thanks for coming to my ted talk, but just a little ok, well a lot but u get my drift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-05-26 02:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14990471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ancientdeceiver/pseuds/ancientdeceiver
Summary: Andre would give all he’s got to spend every day like this, sitting next to his favorite person in the world on his favorite couch in the world.





	in every breath i take, you’ll always have a piece of me

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [stumblebee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stumblebee/pseuds/stumblebee) in the [PuckingRare2018](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/PuckingRare2018) collection. 



> **Prompt:** Didn't know they were dating, both or either of them. Pining, comedy of errors and hurt feelings ensues.
> 
> it kinda went off the tracks a bit here but i hope everyone still enjoys!
> 
> title from _i hope you’re happy_ by blue october
> 
> enjoy!

When the realization that Christian’s smile is Andre’s favorite in the whole entire world finally sinks in, it hits Andre like an eighteen wheeler to the ribs; takes all the air out of his lungs, and makes him want to run out into the rain and just scream for a couple of hours. And really, Andre would run out right now, he really would, only if it didn’t sound like the world was ending outside. 

Too bad he’s stuck inside with Christian until the storm is over.

If it was anyone else, Andre would’ve already come up with an excuse to hide away in his room, to sleep or something. But, because it’s Christian, and because Andre hates himself more than he could ever hate anyone in this world, he stays, sat so close to Christian that he can feel the warmth of his thighs radiating through Andre’s shorts. He’s way too aware of when Christian moves, way too aware of the way the skin around Christian’s knee feels on his own. He hates (loves) that he can feel when Christian laughs along to the stupid (awesome) movie they’re watching. 

Andre would give all he’s got to spend every day like this, sitting next to his favorite person in the world on his favorite couch in the world.

\/\/\/

The first time someone mistakes them for a couple, neither of them notice. That may be just because they’re both too fucking drunk to notice, or because their team already makes fun of their so called “codependency” too much. Andre wouldn’t really call what he and Christian have  _ codependency,  _ because it’s not like they  _ can’t  _ do anything without each other, it’s just that they choose not to. Besides, it’s more fun to do something  _ with  _ Christian than  _ without  _ him.

Anyway, they get mistaken for a couple at a bar. It happens when it’s Andre’s turn to buy the rounds and he goes to the counter to get everyone a drink. There’s a really hot girl just having a drink, looking relaxed and like she’s having the time of her life. Andre would approach her, but he doesn’t want to be a creep and make her uncomfortable. So, he just slides up to the counter and orders his drinks. It’s a while - there are a lot of drinks - so he’s just waiting there, trying to not stare at the hot girl next to him. But, thing is, he can feel  _ someone  _ staring at him.

“That’s a lot of drinks you got there,” someone says, which makes Andre turn his head; it’s the hot girl. She’s smiling and flipping her hair out of her face. “You sure you can handle that on your own?”

Let it be known that Andre’s English has gotten significantly better since he’s come to America, but it’s like his brain short circuits when he realizes that the hot girl is talking to  _ him.  _

_ “Uh, I’m actually here with a group of friends,”  _ he says, but doesn’t realize it’s in Swedish until the girl just cocks her head to the side and looks a little confused. “Uh, sorry. My English isn’t very ok. Uh, I’m here with friends. Just, uh, over there.”

He points to the booth where most of the guys are. Some of the couples seem to have migrated to the dance floor, but there are still plenty of them at the table. Most importantly, Christian is still at the table, but he’s not going to tell her that; he’s too focused on maybe having a connection with  _ her.  _

“That’s cool,” she says, and takes another sip of her drink. “I’m here by myself.”

Andre is about to say something when he feels a hand snake around his waist and pull him close. He doesn’t have to turn around to know who it is, could tell just by the way the alcohol smells on his breath.

“You were taking so long, why?” Christian asks, and he’s drunk, so drunk that he seems to be completely oblivious to the hot girl Andre is talking to. 

“Because there are a lot of drinks and they’re not ready yet,” Andre says, and turns a little to kiss Christian’s hair. “Would, wait, can you help me bring them back to the table?”

“No, absolutely not. I already do everything for you. Now you’re asking me to do this for you too? No. Go home, Andre.”

The girl laughs as she gets up, slings her purse over her shoulder and sets her empty glass down on the counter.

“You two are so cute,” she says, and sets some bills down. “Hold onto your boyfriend as long as you can, alright? You’ll never know when they can go.”

Neither of them say something - she leaves before they can, and besides, Christian practically falls asleep on Andre. Not that Andre minds at all.

\/\/\/

That’s not the only time someone thinks they’re something more than friends. It doesn’t happen that often when they live apart, but it does get more frequent once Andre moves in with Christian, mostly from his teammates and those around them. Christian doesn’t mind at all, really, because, well, he actually happens to like Andre  _ like that,  _ not that he’ll ever tell him hat. 

No way.

“How have things been going?” Nicke asks him one night. He and Andre are over at Nicke and Alex’s place for dinner; Andre is in the living room with Alex playing video games, and Christian is in the kitchen helping Nicke make dinner. 

“Ok, I guess,” Christian replies. He’s more focused on not cutting his finger off instead of the onion he’s currently chopping. “I was supposed to go on a date yesterday, but you know, priorities.”

“I’m sure Andre wouldn’t have minded if you just took him to like McDonald’s or something.”

Because the only way, Christian has found, that one can tell if Nicke is lying or not is if you play close attention to his lips, Christian is so confused. Nicke just takes the cutting board from him and drops the chopped onion in the pan, lets the steam rise up and go before he turns back around to face Christian. 

“Andre-” 

Christian doesn’t have the chance to even ask what Nicky meant because, just then, Andre bursts in the kitchen, clutching at his stomach because he’s laughing too hard. Alex comes in right behind him, looking, well, like he’s going to kill him. 

_ “Koyla,  _ he find picture of you when we in Maldives,” Alex says hurriedly, which makes Nicke very carefully put the cutting board down on the counter and close his eyes.

If Christian wasn’t looking close enough, he would miss the way the blush is making its way up Nicke’s neck.

“How much did you see?” Nicke asks, calm like always, still keeps his eyes closed, though.

“I think it would be better to say, what  _ didn’t  _ I see?” 

By the way they’re all reacting, Christian can pretty much guess what Andre saw. And even if he’s wrong, he’s pretty sure Andre will tell him about it later. 

Andre can’t keep a secret to save his life.

\/\/\/

Christian only starts getting a slight clue that people think they’re a couple when his mom asks what Andre is bringing to his father’s birthday party. They’re talking on the phone so obviously his mom doesn’t see Christian when he shrugs, so she asks if he heard her. 

“I heard you,” he says, and hums; honestly, he doesn’t really know what he’s bringing yet. So he just goes with the first that pops into his head, “Well, I don’t know what Andre is bringing, but I’m bringing New York style cheesecake.”

“That’s enough to cover both of you, I think,” she says. “Your father will be happy with that.”

They talk for a little while more, and it’s only after she hangs up that he even begins to think to ask her why she would think that Andre would be coming to his dad’s birthday party. Then, Andre walks in and of course Christian asks him to go to his dad’s birthday party. He knows how much his family loves Andre, especially his mom, so he can’t let her down like that, not after she’d sounded so excited about seeing Andre again.

\/\/\/

Andre feels a little out of place at Christian’s dad’s birthday party. Sure, he knows, well, everyone in Christian’s immediate family, has had dinner with  _ all  _ of them on multiple occasions, actually. But everyone else is a fucking mystery. They’re all nice, of course, but he feels like they’re somehow silently comparing him to someone he doesn’t even know. 

“Are you sure your family doesn’t mind that I’m here?” Andre asks, for like the millionth time, he knows, but he just can’t help it; he doesn’t want to be intruding on something, doesn’t want to feel like a burden. “Like, I still feel like I’m not supposed to be here.”

“What? Did anyone tell you anything?” Christian asks, concerned. “Because if-”

Before Christian can finish, a really good looking guy walks up to them and taps Christian on the shoulder. Immediately, Christian turns around, and his mouth drops open. Both of them smile at each other like they just saw God in each other’s eyes. It’s so sincere, and so intimate that Andre just has to turn around; he feels so awkward just standing there. He can tell they hug because Christian starts saying something, and at first, it sounds clear, but the rest of the sentence comes out muffled. 

Andre really shouldn’t be here. So he decides to go find Christian’s mom to tell her that he’s leaving - he’s sure Christian won’t mind since his mom had told him, at the beginning, that she had his room all done up so that he could stay the night if he wanted. 

He finds her in the kitchen, having a sip of wine, talking to one of her friends. She notices when he comes in and immediately waves him over. 

“And this is my future son in law,” she says proudly, grabbing him by the shoulders and presenting him like an award. “His name is Andre, and he plays on the same team as my son.”

“Oh, you didn’t tell me Christian was engaged?” Christian’s mom’s friend says, but extends her hand for Andre to shake anyway; Andre takes it. 

“Oh, he’s not yet, but I’m sure it won’t be too long before he is.”

“My little Lucas will be so sad that his childhood love is finally off the market and he wasn’t taken off it by him.”

Soon, both of them start talking like he’s not even there. Andre can’t leave, or even make a run for it because Christian’s mom is still holding onto his shoulders. 

\/\/\/

It’s maybe half an hour before Andre is finally let go. But, he can’t leave and go lock himself in his room. No, because right when he’s about to leave, Christian’s mom asks him to help bring the cake to the dining room table. So he does - it’s the right thing to do.

The first thing he sees is Christian chatting with the good looking guy, on the couch, close as fuck, and it makes Andre irrationally jealous. Objectively, he knows he’s got nothing to be jealous about because he and Christian  _ aren’t even anything  _ for there to be some grounds on his jealousy, but there’s just something about the way the guy’s looking at Christian that makes Andre think  _ hey, only  _ I’m  _ allowed to do that because  _ I’m  _ actually in love with him.  _ Andre shakes his head to clear the thoughts, before he sets the cake down on the table.

People gather around and sing for Christian’s dad.

Andre really,  _ really  _ wishes that was the end of it.

It’s not. 

For the rest of the night, he’s got to watch Christian and That Guy be friendly, and frankly, a little too damn flirty for his liking. 

\/\/\/

Andre’s way too quiet on the ride back home, and Christian hates it. Usually, when they’re coming home he can’t stop talking about what had gone on in the night, because he always thinks that everything was funnier or more interesting than it actually was. And, really, Christian doesn’t mind at all because he loves the way sometimes Andre can’t stop laughing because he thinks something is so funny.

They’re at a red light, sitting in silence.

“Are you ok?” Christian asks, turns to look at Andre, but Andre just shrugs and keeps looking out the window, almost like something on the outside’s done him wrong. “Did anyone say anything? You know you can tell me, right? I’m not going to be, like, mad at you or anything.”

“Can you just leave me alone?” Andre snaps, and this time, finally, he turns to look at Christian. 

They sit there, just looking at each other. It must be a really long time - this traffic light always seems to take a fucking eternity - because someone beeps at them once the light turns green again. Christian doesn’t say anything, just grinds his teeth together and keeps driving. He doesn’t know what got into Andre between the party and now; well, maybe he has a slight clue. Andre loves attention, ignore him for five minutes and you’ll never hear the end of it, ever. But, it’s not like Andre was left alone either, his mom was with him all night. 

“You invited me to a family party,  _ your family  _ party, and you ignored me all night to talk to some rando,” Andre says, once they’re parked at their place, and he seems angry now, which, there’s really no reason for it; Andre has no right to be angry at Christian for that. “What the hell was that? You should have just left me at home, you know.”

“First of all, he’s no  _ rando _ , his name is Lucas. Second, I don’t think you have a right to be nagging me for this. Who I talk to is none of your business, but because you’re my best friend I’m going to tell you. Lucas is, or,  _ was  _ my first boyfriend or whatever.”

Christian doesn’t want to look at Andre right now; they’ve never really spoken about this, about _who_ they like, and frankly, there’s been a reason for it: Christian is terrified of what Andre might think of him after he tells him. He knows, really, he knows Andre is a good guy, but he’s always seemed to be into _girls._ Now, that doesn’t mean that him being into girls makes him inherently homophobic, but, it also makes him _into_ _girls not guys._ Well, Christian doesn’t really know if Andre _isn’t_ into guys, because the guys always tease him about a Brooksy, and all Andre does is blush and say _shut up,_ not the typical stupid straight guy response of actively _denying_ everything, and getting angry when the guys don’t believe him. 

“Your first boyfriend? You had a boyfriend?”

Christian hopes he’s imagining the disgust in Andre’s voice. It really might not be his imagination after all though, because after a while of just sitting in silence, Andre huffs and gets out of the car and slams the door really hard, and walks up to their place. 

Christian is already regretting having to confront Andre in the morning, or the afternoon, or whenever they see each other next. He just hopes they can keep living in peace like they have been so far. 

\/\/\/

Thing is, Christian doesn’t have the guts to confront Andre. 

They pass each other in the hallway, Christian on his way back to his room, and Andre on his way to the bathroom. Andre bumps into Christian, looks at him for a while, but just shrugs and keeps going on his way. And, if he was braver, Christian would say something,  _ anything,  _ at least something like  _ why did you push me?  _ It just, Christian really doesn’t have it in him to be confrontational like that.

The next time they sort of bump into each other is around breakfast time the next morning. Christian wakes up first, just like always, but this morning he just stays in bed for a little longer than normal. He can tell when Andre wakes up because he hears footsteps near his door, they stop right in front of it, but get distant after a little while. The footsteps continue down the stairs, and become almost inaudible before he hears a slight jingle of keys, and a loud door slam.

Christian brought this on himself, really.

\/\/\/

Andre doesn’t meant to avoid Christian at every chance he gets, but it’s just that he can’t help but feel really jealous every time he sees him. All he can imagine is seeing Christian and Lucas sitting on the couch, ignoring everyone and everything around them, ignoring  _ him.  _ All Andre can see is Christian having a happy life  _ without  _ him, leaving him behind and forgetting about him. 

He loves Christian, and the fact that there’s a potential of him not being in Andre’s life makes Andre want to cry for hours. 

There’s something Andre has to do, well, there’s  _ only one thing  _ for Andre to do to avoid Christian abandoning him. 

He jogs back up to their place and sighs, tries to calm himself down enough to talk to Christian seriously. Andre walks up to Christian’s door, and hesitates only a little before he knocks. He feels dumb because it’s just the two of them in the house, and usually Andre just barges in and jumps on Christian’s bed.

“Come in,” Christian says. 

So, Andre goes inside.

Christian has the covers all up so that Andre can only see his head peeking out.  _ He looks cute,  _ Andre thinks, and before, Andre would jump on him and try to pull the covers off him. 

“Uh, hi, uh, good morning, I mean,” Andre says, nervous, which makes him realize how fucked this all is. He’s never been nervous around Christian, ever. “Uh, can I talk to you, please?”

“I mean sure,” Christian says, and shrugs. “As long as you don’t avoid me for the next two days after this.”

Andre feels bad about that; he tells Christian about it.

“I didn’t mean to, you know, I didn’t mean to avoid you. I just, it just really sucked to see you paying attention to that guy at the party, and not me. You know I don’t know anyone besides your mom and dad, and I couldn’t just hang around them all night. I’m sorry.”

Christian just scratches his nose, and stares at Andre. 

“I mean,” Christian says, scratches his nose again. “Is there any particular reason  _ why  _ you needed  _ my _ attention? Like, I was only talking to Lucas for a little while considering we hadn’t seen each other since we were fifteen. You’re being a little unfair right now. I’m always the one putting stuff off for you, and you couldn’t handle one night? I don’t think so.”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Andre asks, and sighs. He closes his eyes, and tries to steady himself; he wants to be calm enough to tell Christian exactly  _ why  _ he’s being like this, and Christian won’t take him seriously if he’s not. This has been a long time coming, and Andre wants to say the right words. “When was the last time you saw me pick up?”

Christian looks confused.

“Huh? What does that have to do with anything? Stop trying to derail the conversation, we’re trying to be serious here, or at least, I am.”

“Just answer my question, please.”

Christian rolls his eyes, but says, “Whatever, I mean, like six months ago or something like that. I don’t know. I don’t like to pay attention when you do, well, when anyone picks up. I’m not a creep.”

“Six months ago,” Andre says. He finally sits on the edge of Christian’s bed, and looks right at him - he’s not going to back down this time. “Do you know why?”

Christian shakes his head  _ no. _

“Because I love you.”

Christian just blinks at him. 

_ “Djoos,”  _ Andre sing-songs, and smiles at Christian when Christian grins. He moves Christian’s legs aside, and scoots in closer. 

“Why did it take you so long to notice?” Christian asks him, and, well, that takes Andre by surprise. “Like, I have been hanging off you for months, and it takes  _ Lucas  _ for you to notice it? Wow.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Andre’s surprised, Christian has never been like this with him before. But he guesses it’s ok now that they’ve talked it out. 

What “it” is, Andre is only partly sure of.

So, Andre scoots as close as he can towards Christian. He puts his left arm next to where Christian’s right arm is resting. They look at each other for a while before Andre leans in. Christian’s lips are soft, a little chapped, but Andre doesn’t mind. He hopes Christian doesn’t mind that his are a lot more chapped. By the looks of it, Christian doesn’t seem to mind at all, because just then, Christian puts a hand on the back of Andre’s head and pushes them closer. 

When Christian pulls back, he looks at Andre like he sees the face of God. And maybe, just maybe, Andre looks at him the same way.

\/\/\/

Nobody bats an eye when they’re caught kissing on the bus.

Everyone just keeps going and takes their usual seat. It’s better like that, Andre thinks. He couldn’t handle the whole team chirping them for their newfound comfort level.

Just as the bus is taking off, the whole team starts singing some apparent love song Andre has never heard before. Really, he should’ve known better, should’ve known that this team wouldn’t keep quiet because that’s just the way they are. 

Andre is surprisingly ok with it. Christian is too.

 

**Author's Note:**

> -tbh i always wanted to write burky/djoos but never got off my ass to do so until now  
> -by the way, burky and djoos speak to each other in swedish, as do nicke and djoos, as do djoos's parents. the only time they speak english is when alex comes into the picture  
> -you can reach me over @ancientdeceiver on twitter/tumblr
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
